Of Mudpuddles and Lovebugs.

Sometimes I watch my girls and laugh at how different they are. today was definitely one of those days. 

This is Molly, she is one and my destroyer.

This is Emma, she is three, and is my sweetie pea.

We went to the same park we always go to when we are in Florida. We love it because its fenced in and all the equipment is toddler appropriate. 

I watched Molly as she chased birds, and watched as they flew away, with a big frown on her face. I watched Emma carefully examine the love bugs that are now in season and make up stories for them --this one is the mama and that one is her sister-- I watched as Molly laughed as she squished the same love bugs that Emma was so gentle with. I watched Molly climb to the very top and push away the help i tried to offer her down the slide. I coaxed Emma to go as high as her sister, and held her hand down the slide. I watched Emma pick flowers and examine the petals. I watched molly shove a few snails in her mouth and rip up the flower patch. I watched Emma carefully pick the mulch off her pants, and I watched Molly jump in the mud puddle. The examples are endless.

With my two, who are such opposites, it is easy to treat them like two different people. Even so, I have to remind myself sometimes that just because Emma liked this or that at Molly's age, doesn't mean that Molly is going to like it. 

I had another surprise when we got back from the park. I heard her tell the boy she was playing with "no more kisses" but I didn't get the full story. Check out the video to hear from Emma all about the boy and how many kisses he gave her! Yikes! Notice her twirling her hair and that sly smile? I'm in trouble.

Note- I had a talk with her after this video about kissing boys.

Ch ch ch ch changes

Why the new name? 
Infantry on the homefront was working for me for a while, but as soon as my infantryman came home, it seemed like the blog was irrelevant. Even though I have always posted about more than just army life, I felt closed off just because of the name. Hey hey honeybee sounds more, me, and less army.

What else is changing?
Not much as far as content. I will still write about crafts, home, garden, health and family. I will be doing it more regularly on more of a schedule so that there will be less "speed blogging" followed by long lulls. I want to make Hey Hey Honeybee more dependable than Infantry on the Homefront was.

What can I expect? 
I will be posting three blogposts a week plus lots of updates on Twitter, and Instagram. I have also made a new Facebook fan web page for those of you who can keep up better on that medium.
Twitter: @heyheyhoneybee
Instagram: heyheyhoneybee
Facebook: Facebook.com/heyheyhoneybee
You can also click the follow and like buttons on the right side bar for easy peasy access. 

What's with the honeybee?
My name means honeybee, so no matter what this blog evolves into, it will still fit Hey Hey Honeybee. Plus, I think the name sounds cute and inviting.

Girls will be Girls

I am the proud mother of two girls. So naturally my days are filled with tea parties and fake jewelry and high heel shoes. But they are also filled with sword fights, pirates,monsters, worms, soccer, and a whole slew of other things that are not the least bit "girly". But how can that be?

Have no fear, I'm not about to tell you that we need to ban dresses for girls, or put bows in boys hair or get rid of the words "he" or "she" in the name of gender equality. I am just wondering where the neutral toys are! They seem to be exceptionally, and unnecessarily hard to find. I don't think all toys should be gender neutral, but I do think it is important to have a good sampling of toys that ARE neutral and here is why.

Boys and girls play together (or at least they should), so it makes sense for a girl to have plenty of things at her house that are welcoming for a boy. I don't think a boy would like to play with princesses and castles all day. And while there is nothing wrong with a little girl loving castles, it would be wise for her arsenal of toys to also include things like sports equipment, or arts and crafts and other toys that aren't colored pink so that a boy coming over isn't overwhelmed with "girl stuff".
The problem is, it is becoming increasingly difficult to FIND neutral toys. My oldest daughter just got a mickey mouse clubhouse coloring book for her birthday. When you think mickey mouse, who do you think of?
I thought of Mickey Mouse of course, maybe Donald and Goofy, Minnie and Pluto. But who was in this book? Minnie and Daisy. Only. It's not Mickey Mouse anymore. It's Mickey if you are a boy, and Minnie if you are a girl. Elmo for boys and Abby for girls and so on.

I urge anyone who knows a child to be aware of this growing phenomenon and to think more about the child's preferences than the "boy or girl" of it all. For instance, my oldest likes Minnie more than Mickey, but she also loves Elmo more than Abby. So when I get something sesame street for her, I think "what does she like best" instead of "what is the one for a girl". It's a simple thing to do, but I think it makes a big difference.

...that's great and all, but what do YOU think?
Would you buy your girl a train, or your boy a barbie?
What is good or bad about this phenomenon? 

Re-deployment candy land

During our last deployment, my friends and family mistakenly believed that since I was not constantly complaining and visibly struggling, that I must be doing fantastically better than themselves. They would lay their problems on me to fix, or feel sorry for. I would sarcastically reply with how my life was like candy land, blissfully free of problems and generally wonderful in every way. That shut em up pretty good the first time I used it, so it's been kind of a staple of 2011. Now, I'm facing of the opposite problem. People really DO think my life is a candy land. I get calls from people that go kinda like this

 Them:
"so, how have you been"
Me:
"umm... Okay I guess"
 "oh Dont be modest. I bet you are fabulous. Isn't it great to have him home"
 "ya, well we are still adjusting"
 "uh huh, so did you go frolicking though fields of dasies yesterday and dance in the rain?"
 "no..."
"oh that must be tommorw, what am I thinking? Well you better save up some energy for the amazing sex you will be having all night"
 ".........."
"bye"

 Okay, maybe not THAT bad, but I do get very strange comments and questions that are asked in such a way, that it's difficult to know what to say when they are so far off base. I love having my husband home. I'm so glad that he is safe. That alone has lifted an enormous weight off my shoulders, but then there is no shortage of new things we are dealing with and working through. Now, here my husband has asked me to keep a few things strictly beaten us, so I am going to tell you about the general problems that couples with children in our situation are facing.

 Kids: depending on the age, a child may be angry at dad for leaving, confused as to when he is leaving again, he may be angry or throw tantrums all day, may stop sleeping well at night, spend his time out with friends all day or they may not even know who dad IS. You get the idea. It's very confusing and frustrating for them and they often act out, giving little down time to the parents.

On the other side, you have a dad who may not have ever met his kid, or left a barely walking toddler and came home to a talking, reasoning kid. The guilt and confusion that goes along with that isn't easy. And that is just the baseline, no combat issues. Imagine how hard it is for a soldier who saw children die, maybe even by their own hand. Thats a whole other realm I can't even begin to talk about, but it's very real.

 Marriage: many married couples disconnect at some point and have to work at being together again. The adjustment of having a soldier back in the house is a big one. I still am not quite sure how to go about the adjusting yet. So far, it's just a lot of frustration and miscommunication.
Think about it. a year. A YEAR. That's a long time for people to change, form new habits, become stronger or more frail, and in the mist of a deployment many people have changed their whole outlook on life. Some serious changed have happened, and it is no simple task figuring out a whole new family dynamic.

Hey, where have you been?

It's been quite a while since my last post. I know. I wish I could tell you that it's been crazy over here, that I've been so busy with my amazing life, I didn't have time for a single post. But, alas, I have been sitting on my butt. I have been waiting. I have been watching tv, reading, taking care of my kids, and checking the calandar. I haven't been doing anything worthy of posting. On the rare occasion, that I did, I had no motivation to post.
And so now I'm here to tell you, the soldiers getting home is not the end of the trials. For us, it was the beginning. Marriage is hard for anyone. But after he got home from Afghanistan, every problem we had before, was bigger and more obvious. Everything we didn't have a problem with suddenly became a problem. I was lucky because I missed out on the alcoholism that sometimes follows soldiers home from the battlefield. But what was I going to do about all the other stuff? It was pretty overwhelming and it seemed hopeless at times-- most of the time to be honest. I suppose I got pretty depressed. I suppose I still am. They say it takes up to two years to regrow together as a family after a deployment. But we don't have two years before his next deployment. In fact, since January when he returned, I have only been with him for five months out of nine months we should have been together. (It's a long frustrating story that does not involve divorce. Don't worry) 
This means we have less time to get our shit together before it hits the fan again for deployment number two. And then we get to struggle though that and then try and grow back together in time for deployment number three.

 So when do we have a chance to just relax and be normal? When is our marriage safe or secure? It is tiring just thinking about, the next four years of my life (at least) are going to be lived on the edge of a marital cliff. I guess I'm so tired from trying to hold onto my family, I have no energy for much else.

 So there you have it, my depressing post. I did warn you that this blog was a look into the life of a military family. Did you really think it would be all happy stuff? At least we made it this far. Alot of couples didn't, so I guess we must be doing something right. Or maybe my husband is right. Maybe I'm too stubborn for my own good. 

Hopefully my next post will be soon. I love my readers! 

The Flip Side of His Deployment

There is no disputing that what soldiers do on the front lines is hard. Depending on the situation, they may literally be dealing with life and death. I have yet to hear anyone say "Being at war isn't really a big deal", but I have however, heard people refer to the Home front part of deployment as a "vacation." 


I think my OFS leader Jill Bozeman put it best when she told us to imagine deployment as a coin. There are two sides that make up the coin, just as there are two unique parts of a deployment. Downrange and Home front. She constantly reiterates that neither is better, but both are necessary. Instead of thinking of my situation as waiting for my husband to get back from deployment I started viewing it as a sort of deployment itself. 


My experiences will never be the same as a downrange experience. They just won't. In most ways, I cannot relate to my husbands experiences from the past year at all, but in the same way he cannot relate to my home front experience.  So of course the rational thing to do, was to put my experience in army terms. 

Our house may just look like a house to him, but to me, this is where I survived and did what I had to in order to keep things running smoothly. This is my bunker. My troops are my kids. They look to me for guidance to lead them through the confusion of having daddy gone. They look for my steady gaze and my "everything is alright" smile. 
We have systems in place to keep the "troops" in line. Above all, I must never lose my head or panic. We have morale boosters in the form of a few select dance songs. We go on missions to the playground and the grocery store. Sometimes they are uneventful, but sometimes we need to call in some backup in the form of a lollipop, bandaid, and and extra shot of espresso. His nights freezing on the mountaintop are my nights with a screaming toddler in the ER. He gets jolted awake by explosions nearby, My heart jumps awake with the hellish scream from my two year old having a nightmare. I have my giant diaper bag with me everywhere (weather I will need it or not), and he carries his gun.  


Reading this, you may be thinking "how in the world does, a mission through enemy territory compare to a trip to the grocery store?" Well, it doesn't really. But this is my reality. These are my trials and sometimes I really feel like I might not make it out alive (or my kids for that matter). Having my keys in the correct pocket of my diaper bag, is as important to me as the ammo being in the correct spot is for him. I learned about the keys from accidentally locking my two kids in the car in a strange city in the middle of a road trip, because, you guessed it, I forgot to put the keys in the diaper bag. 
The panic I felt at that moment still gives me nightmares. It may just be key put it a particular place, but for the past year, the keys being in that spot has saved me time and time again. It has become a necessity in a time where I couldn't count on much and didn't know what problems I may have to go through alone.  So, "why do the keys have to go there?" They go there because if they don't, I will lose my mind and you will lose your balls. OKIE? 


To an outsider, it may just be a brand of coffee, or a pair of shoes, or a key pocket, but you never know what those little things mean to a deployed-at-home spouse. Still don't get it? Guys?


What would happen if instead of him coming home at the end of deployment, I went to Afghanistan. Would he let me near the big equipment? How much training would I need to go through? What would happen if I tried to change their system? What would he do if I asked "Why do you have to bring your gun with you everywhere", or tried to convince him to leave it behind? What if I decided to "help out" and re-organise the supplies? It's no laughing matter. It's not something you can just walk into and take over. There is serious stuff going on. It is very much the same when the soldier comes home.  




There needs to be more respect for what the home front does while the spouses are away. We are not sliding down rainbows and picking daisies. This is real. This is terrifying. This is surviving. 

Pretty little tricks

My husband is coming home soon! Hooray!.....Oh crap! I spent the last month eating greasy salty foods and more desserts than I care to remember! I have been skipping my nightly face washing and moisturizing and even, I admit, I have gone to bed quite a bit lately without even brushing my teeth! Don't judge me! Anyways, I'm not exactly ready for my closeup. But I did find a few things that are very swiftly undoing my negligence. Secret trick #1 lemon and egg white mask It's just like it sounds lemon and egg white, on my face for 1/2 an hour twice a day. I use a cotton ball to apply first the lemon juice (fresh) and then my fingers to apply the egg white on top. The lemon juice helps to lighten dark spots or freckles, while also removing a few layers of skin to revel the new good stuff underneath. The egg white, helps tighten your pores and soothe any redness. After only two days, by blackheads have been banished, my skin is smooth, and my pores are all but invisible. Torture undone. DON'T FORGET TO MOISTURISE WELL AFTER THIS! Secret trick #2 drink my calories I am not so good at dieting lately, but for the last week I have been starting off with a protein shake in the morning, followed with a cup of coffee, a water bottle, another cup of coffee, another bottle of water, then a smoothie for lunch with lots of good antioxidants. A healthy snack, and then a measured out portion of whatever I made for dinner.its simple enough for me to follow, and since I'm stuffing my face with SOMETHING all day, I don't feel like I'm starving myself. I have been loosing 1/2 lb everyday even with all the extra water weight, so it's working. Trick #3 naturally bleaching teeth Baking powder. Yup, just brush my teeth with it and a bit of water everytime after I brush with my normal toothepaste. The results aren't amazing, but it's definitely working, and it's not causing my teeth to be unbearable sensitive, like they are after I use whiteners from the store. Tick #4 putting Yoga poses into my day I don't have time to do a full hour of yoga. But I DO have thirty seconds to hold a supper glute burning Yoga pose. I wasn't really expecting results, but golly gee, you should see my tush! Okay...well maybe not, but it's working anyways. I just keep looking for oportunities to get a bit of a burn, and am noticing there are plenty of opportunities. Do a squat everytime I pick up a toy. Skip a step when I go upstairs, use my stomach and back to hold myself upright all day instead of hunching. I know it sounds stupid, but if anyone else has minimum time to udo a lot of damage, This stuff is working for me. I was crying when I thought about all the stuff I needed to do to get in shape and confident for when hubby gets ome. Not even a week later I feel sexy. Anyways I'm giving up valuable Ab working time. Adios. Hope this helped someone.