The Last Leg!

Deployment is drawing to a close! Over 400 soldiers have already been reunited with their families. My turn is coming soon. You would think I would be overcome with joy and happiness, unable to control my bladder and jumping around frantically in public.
Alas, the stress of it all is getting to me. Before I go on, I would like to point out that my husband and I have a good relationship. I love him to death, I miss him, I want him to be home etc. What I am about to share is not abnormal and it is not because of a lack of love or a decaying marriage.
A few of the things I am feeling lately that you might not expect...

Scared
Upset
Frantic
Stressed
Mad
Uptight

The first and last month of separation is the worst. It is the transition. It is getting used to being alone. Getting used to taking care of everything alone. Getting used to a new routine.... and then I kind of just keep breathing for the next 10 months... until its time to transition again.

Now that I got used to this new life and I am finally comfortable with it, it changes. Now I get to worry about PTSD and all things that go along with it. I get to change my routine, and use trial and error to figure out what works for our family now. Error.. yup, I get to fail. I can't just "lose my internet connection" whenever hubby isn't being kind. I have to deal with all the issues we have been putting off this year. I get to divvy up chores between me and my husband. Too many responsibilities for him will apparently make him feel like I just want him around to help me with the house. Too little will apparently make him feel useless and that I don't need/want him. I get to inform him of the way I have been handling our kids this year, and take his criticism of my methods and argue... I mean DISCUSS how we will parent them from now on. Other changes have happened this year too, we have a new vehicle, more bills, more kids, a flabbier wife, a new diner "menu", even something simple like how I sort and go about doing laundry can be a cause for conflict and need to be changed.

So you see, even though I miss my husband terribly and want him home with me, the transition is incredibly stressful. On average it will take 6-12 months to normalize and get our routine going and be happy with our lives again (or so i've been told).... but guess what happens 12 months from now? Yup, another deployment.