Lately I have been watching "nanny 911" which is a show staring some mary-poopins-esk nannies who go around like super heros helping trouble children. The parents usually call the show with nasty words about their kids. They say things like "He's just a bad kid" or "She is hopeless" or "They are monsters". But within the first 15 mins of the show, it becomes obvious that it is indeed a parental error and not a case of "bad kids". And what I find particularly fascinating is that in almost every case where a nanny steps in and talks to the kids, she says "you're not a bad kid" and that child immediately gets silent and tearful.
What I hope to never forget is that my kids are not, cannot be inherently bad. They may act up for attention, or they may make mistakes or be confused by my expectations. I hope to look inward at myself whenever I notice a re-occuring problem with one of the girls. And I hope to have the humility, courage and strength to admit that I am doing something wrong if and when that happens.
Because it is one thing to have kids who do not behave. It is another to have children who feel unloved, ignored or overburdened with expectations. I am going to strive to listen to my kids, even when they have been rambling about the same thing for an hour, or when they seem like they are crying about nothing. Because I still remember what it is to be a kid and I remember how much it meant to me when an adult would level with me, listen to what I had to say, and respond in a loving or wise way.
I want my kids to know what that is like too, because after all is said and done, I don't care if they ever mastered "my way" of folding towels or sorting the little forks from the big ones. I care that they know what family is. I care that they feel safe and secure and learned responsibility. I want them to be brave enough to try new things and confident that if they should fail, they have a family full of love and support to pick them back up so that they can try again. I want them to be able transition to adulthood with as few growing pains as possible. I want them to be able to call for help, even if they have gotten themselves in a particularly embarrassing situation.
Maybe its too much to strive for, and maybe I could never be that great or loving. But darn it, I'm gonna try because it's worth it.
What do you think?
If you have watched the show, what lessons did you take away from it?
Do you agree with my observations?
Do you think one parenting technique could be acceptable for ALL kids?
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