The Flip Side of His Deployment

There is no disputing that what soldiers do on the front lines is hard. Depending on the situation, they may literally be dealing with life and death. I have yet to hear anyone say "Being at war isn't really a big deal", but I have however, heard people refer to the Home front part of deployment as a "vacation." 


I think my OFS leader Jill Bozeman put it best when she told us to imagine deployment as a coin. There are two sides that make up the coin, just as there are two unique parts of a deployment. Downrange and Home front. She constantly reiterates that neither is better, but both are necessary. Instead of thinking of my situation as waiting for my husband to get back from deployment I started viewing it as a sort of deployment itself. 


My experiences will never be the same as a downrange experience. They just won't. In most ways, I cannot relate to my husbands experiences from the past year at all, but in the same way he cannot relate to my home front experience.  So of course the rational thing to do, was to put my experience in army terms. 

Our house may just look like a house to him, but to me, this is where I survived and did what I had to in order to keep things running smoothly. This is my bunker. My troops are my kids. They look to me for guidance to lead them through the confusion of having daddy gone. They look for my steady gaze and my "everything is alright" smile. 
We have systems in place to keep the "troops" in line. Above all, I must never lose my head or panic. We have morale boosters in the form of a few select dance songs. We go on missions to the playground and the grocery store. Sometimes they are uneventful, but sometimes we need to call in some backup in the form of a lollipop, bandaid, and and extra shot of espresso. His nights freezing on the mountaintop are my nights with a screaming toddler in the ER. He gets jolted awake by explosions nearby, My heart jumps awake with the hellish scream from my two year old having a nightmare. I have my giant diaper bag with me everywhere (weather I will need it or not), and he carries his gun.  


Reading this, you may be thinking "how in the world does, a mission through enemy territory compare to a trip to the grocery store?" Well, it doesn't really. But this is my reality. These are my trials and sometimes I really feel like I might not make it out alive (or my kids for that matter). Having my keys in the correct pocket of my diaper bag, is as important to me as the ammo being in the correct spot is for him. I learned about the keys from accidentally locking my two kids in the car in a strange city in the middle of a road trip, because, you guessed it, I forgot to put the keys in the diaper bag. 
The panic I felt at that moment still gives me nightmares. It may just be key put it a particular place, but for the past year, the keys being in that spot has saved me time and time again. It has become a necessity in a time where I couldn't count on much and didn't know what problems I may have to go through alone.  So, "why do the keys have to go there?" They go there because if they don't, I will lose my mind and you will lose your balls. OKIE? 


To an outsider, it may just be a brand of coffee, or a pair of shoes, or a key pocket, but you never know what those little things mean to a deployed-at-home spouse. Still don't get it? Guys?


What would happen if instead of him coming home at the end of deployment, I went to Afghanistan. Would he let me near the big equipment? How much training would I need to go through? What would happen if I tried to change their system? What would he do if I asked "Why do you have to bring your gun with you everywhere", or tried to convince him to leave it behind? What if I decided to "help out" and re-organise the supplies? It's no laughing matter. It's not something you can just walk into and take over. There is serious stuff going on. It is very much the same when the soldier comes home.  




There needs to be more respect for what the home front does while the spouses are away. We are not sliding down rainbows and picking daisies. This is real. This is terrifying. This is surviving. 

Pretty little tricks

My husband is coming home soon! Hooray!.....Oh crap! I spent the last month eating greasy salty foods and more desserts than I care to remember! I have been skipping my nightly face washing and moisturizing and even, I admit, I have gone to bed quite a bit lately without even brushing my teeth! Don't judge me! Anyways, I'm not exactly ready for my closeup. But I did find a few things that are very swiftly undoing my negligence. Secret trick #1 lemon and egg white mask It's just like it sounds lemon and egg white, on my face for 1/2 an hour twice a day. I use a cotton ball to apply first the lemon juice (fresh) and then my fingers to apply the egg white on top. The lemon juice helps to lighten dark spots or freckles, while also removing a few layers of skin to revel the new good stuff underneath. The egg white, helps tighten your pores and soothe any redness. After only two days, by blackheads have been banished, my skin is smooth, and my pores are all but invisible. Torture undone. DON'T FORGET TO MOISTURISE WELL AFTER THIS! Secret trick #2 drink my calories I am not so good at dieting lately, but for the last week I have been starting off with a protein shake in the morning, followed with a cup of coffee, a water bottle, another cup of coffee, another bottle of water, then a smoothie for lunch with lots of good antioxidants. A healthy snack, and then a measured out portion of whatever I made for dinner.its simple enough for me to follow, and since I'm stuffing my face with SOMETHING all day, I don't feel like I'm starving myself. I have been loosing 1/2 lb everyday even with all the extra water weight, so it's working. Trick #3 naturally bleaching teeth Baking powder. Yup, just brush my teeth with it and a bit of water everytime after I brush with my normal toothepaste. The results aren't amazing, but it's definitely working, and it's not causing my teeth to be unbearable sensitive, like they are after I use whiteners from the store. Tick #4 putting Yoga poses into my day I don't have time to do a full hour of yoga. But I DO have thirty seconds to hold a supper glute burning Yoga pose. I wasn't really expecting results, but golly gee, you should see my tush! Okay...well maybe not, but it's working anyways. I just keep looking for oportunities to get a bit of a burn, and am noticing there are plenty of opportunities. Do a squat everytime I pick up a toy. Skip a step when I go upstairs, use my stomach and back to hold myself upright all day instead of hunching. I know it sounds stupid, but if anyone else has minimum time to udo a lot of damage, This stuff is working for me. I was crying when I thought about all the stuff I needed to do to get in shape and confident for when hubby gets ome. Not even a week later I feel sexy. Anyways I'm giving up valuable Ab working time. Adios. Hope this helped someone.

The Last Leg!

Deployment is drawing to a close! Over 400 soldiers have already been reunited with their families. My turn is coming soon. You would think I would be overcome with joy and happiness, unable to control my bladder and jumping around frantically in public.
Alas, the stress of it all is getting to me. Before I go on, I would like to point out that my husband and I have a good relationship. I love him to death, I miss him, I want him to be home etc. What I am about to share is not abnormal and it is not because of a lack of love or a decaying marriage.
A few of the things I am feeling lately that you might not expect...

Scared
Upset
Frantic
Stressed
Mad
Uptight

The first and last month of separation is the worst. It is the transition. It is getting used to being alone. Getting used to taking care of everything alone. Getting used to a new routine.... and then I kind of just keep breathing for the next 10 months... until its time to transition again.

Now that I got used to this new life and I am finally comfortable with it, it changes. Now I get to worry about PTSD and all things that go along with it. I get to change my routine, and use trial and error to figure out what works for our family now. Error.. yup, I get to fail. I can't just "lose my internet connection" whenever hubby isn't being kind. I have to deal with all the issues we have been putting off this year. I get to divvy up chores between me and my husband. Too many responsibilities for him will apparently make him feel like I just want him around to help me with the house. Too little will apparently make him feel useless and that I don't need/want him. I get to inform him of the way I have been handling our kids this year, and take his criticism of my methods and argue... I mean DISCUSS how we will parent them from now on. Other changes have happened this year too, we have a new vehicle, more bills, more kids, a flabbier wife, a new diner "menu", even something simple like how I sort and go about doing laundry can be a cause for conflict and need to be changed.

So you see, even though I miss my husband terribly and want him home with me, the transition is incredibly stressful. On average it will take 6-12 months to normalize and get our routine going and be happy with our lives again (or so i've been told).... but guess what happens 12 months from now? Yup, another deployment.

Ice-cream flavors and Acceptance

After reading a particularly nasty and judgmental status update from a "friend" on Facebook, I thought it was time to finally write the post that has been on my mind for some time. I have been putting this off because it has to do with religion and I know that I may step on some toes, but I feel like it needs to be said. The following quotes were spoken by the Dalai Lama... or rather tweeted by him.

The true hero is one who conquers his own anger and hatred

Each major religion has its own spirit and character. There is no one religion appropriate for every type of people

Whether or not we follow any particular spiritual tradition, the benefits of love and kindness are obvious to anyone.

This pretty much sums up my take on religion. You see, I look at beliefs like ice-cream flavors.
I love vanilla, with lots of toppings. If Emma takes to plain chocolate, who am I to tell her that her tastes and preferences are wrong?

So what do I do about it? What's my religion?
I might get into that in another post depending on the reception of my readers of this post.

But for now, I would like to address how important it is, no matter what your religion, to understand the views of others.
I don't think it's a secret that I have my qualms with the christian religion. But guess what I'm teaching my daughter! Yup, bible stories. It is not because I want my daughter to be a christian. I just want her to understand their views as well as the views of other religions. It just so happens that I know the most about Christianity so I am teaching her about that while I expand my own knowledge about other beliefs.
If she chooses to be Christian, or Mormon, or Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim... that's her decision. My job is to educate her so that she can make an informed decision.

I look back at tragedies of the past (and present) and I have noticed that much of this is caused by fear, misunderstanding, hatred. Those people are fearful, hateful and misunderstanding because they grew up not learning one thing. Their way. The "right" way. Anyone who thought different was obviously a moronic crazy person or a threat and it was only logical to persecute them or put them to death... I never want my children to be so easily turned to hate.

Above all, I want to model love, humility, and compassion for them. I still have a long way to go, but I'm learning and growing a bit everyday. Isn't that what life is about?

Long Trips with Hoes

A while ago, my daughter and I made a date with another family to go on a trip out of town. We didn't know them TOO well, so I was no prepared for what was about to go down. And what I mean by "go down" is me trying not to act shocked and appalled because I knew we were spending all day with these people.
We started the trip with small talk, probably talking about how nice the weather was, or whatever it is you talk with people about when you first meet them. Not fifteen minutes into the trip she confessed that

• she cheated on her husband the past weekend, 
• it was an acceptable thing to do
• stripping for money is very fun and rewarding
• monogamy is stupid
• I need to try ecstasy
• ... among others that may no be acceptable for this post, but you get the idea

...come again? Did you just..... ummm... wow....  Did that just happen? Is was about that time, I was very thankful that my daughter had not learned to talk yet. 

She then asked for my "honest opinion".... uhhhh... right. I'm not suicidal. I just tried to smile and nod (a trick I learned from my husband) and I hoped she wouldn't bring it up for the rest of the day. It turns out that I have gotten used to my hubby speaking his mind and saying what I am thinking for me, so that he looks like the jerk and I get to keep my "lady" image. When he is gone... I'm not really sure what to do in situations like this. So I didn't do much of anything. 

I share this story because as military wives, it isn't uncommon to tell people you just met every excruciatingly intimate part of your life when you first meet them. I don't understand it, but I'm sure it has to do with so many people trying to make quick connections with people since they move around so much. I am new to this, so I'm not really sure, but that seems to make sense. Right? I still think it's incredibly weird and unnecessary, but this isn't the only instance of it happening. The most uncomfortable, for sure, but not the only. Maybe I just am meeting all the people with no sense of boundaries (more on that in a later post).  I for one and comfortable with boundaries. 

...that's great and all, but what do YOU think?

why does this happen so much?

what would you have done in my situation?

"I'm a baby, That's how I roll...normally"

"Molly, did you poop"
"Maybe, maybe no. It's my secret that I will never tell, so you will never know"
"I could just change your diaper ad find out"
"Oh, you got me there. Foiled again. I'm like a baby foil"

This is just one of many "conversations" I have with my three month old baby daily. She loves is when I talk to her, but honestly I run out of material. There is only so many times you can tell a baby she is cute in one day. Especially when you have a potentially dangerous and jealous toddler listening in.

When I do this, sometimes I feel like a crazy person. I have been feeling crazy a lot lately, and sometimes I wonder if all mom's are like this. Or if it is just the strange mom's. Or the mom's with deployed spouses.

 Once again, I find myself questioning just what IS "normal" anyways? For most people, its a pretty straightforward answer... or at least I think it is. I guess that's the point.
"Most people" for me is kind of an abstract idea (is it for most people?). My best friends are not exactly "most people" or normal or average in any way. That's why I love them.

"Normal people worry me." -MySister.

Ya, I think that about sums her up, and most of the people I associate with.  So what is "normal?" I will probably never know, but one thing is for sure.  I will never be!

...that's great and all, but what do YOU think?
What is normal to you?
Do you consider yourself normal or average?

Grow the Duck Up

In case you were wondering "duck" is the F bomb in our house. Cute, no?

If you are 30 or over and...

•  ... start every story with "this one time, i was so high..." 
• ...spend every weekend cruising the bars for hoes...
• ... spend every weekend BEING the hoe the guys are cruising for...
• ... are sharing a cellphone plan with your parents...
• ...still talk about crazy college (or worse, high school) parties...
• ...spend all day playing video games...
• ...gel your hair up like a tool...
• ...hoe yourself out for attention...
• ...call your parents to deal with legal/bank/car issues...
• ...laugh at men or women who are faithful to their spouses...
• ...get whinny and cry for attention every time something goes wrong...
• ...yell at people when trying to get your point across...
• ...have an issue talking with someone of a different ethnicity/background/sexual orientation....
• ...play the blame game every time you mess up...
• ...have said "nuh-uh" while arguing with someone this year...
• ...think typing 80085 on a calculator is funny....
• ...try to make your partner jealous of someone...

...you need to grow up.

There are things that are fun and youthful, and then there are things that take you away from your responsibilities, or just plain retarted that make you go "...really?"


I love being silly and youthful! Of course I'm only 21... but still. There is nothing wrong with getting a balloon just because, or racing to the car, coloring with crayons, etc. But this stuff is different. I feel like its obvious enough that I can stop writing and go to bed.