STOP WHINING!

Mom's tell their kids to "stop whining" all the time... but do moms have room to talk? Moms and Wives are notorious for nagging... aka whining with a purpose. I know, I know. You don't whine.  You would never in a million years whine or nag... ya, just ask your parter about that one.  Mom's are whinny!

What you say:
"Why don't you help me around the house?"
 "We don't talk anymore."
"Why are you so lazy"
"Do I have to do everything"
"I just want to be told I'm pretty"
"Can't you put your things away?"
"You dont appreciate anything I do"

What they hear:
"You are useless to this family"
"I can do it myself"
"You are a lousy husband"
"I am perfect and you are not"
"You an un-appreciative person"

Does any of that seem like it would make anyone want to love you more? Help you more? Be more thoughtful? Of course not. Your family is not going to help you and love on you, if you are throwing insults at them and acting as if you are the only one who is pulling their own weight... along with their sorry butts.

Why don't you try something more like
"Hi honey, You look tired. Why don't you take some time to relax until Dinner is ready? But after that, I need your help to take out the trash and load the dishwasher."
Ahh... thoughtful, appreciative, even a bit complimentary. What a nice change from...
*door opens* "here, take this out...and you know you HAVE to do dishes tonight because I have been doing them all week!"....... Nice to see you too honey.

Is it any wonder that the same women who are complaining about their family not helping out are the same ones who are constantly having marriage issues? I grieve for my father a little bit every time he comes home, and is immediately dumped with all the day's issues that he "needs" to deal with NOW! I make an extreme effort to give my husband his time to "unwind" when he gets back from work. I respect that he has a demanding job and is worn out when he gets home. Am I worn out by that point? Have I been pacing, looking out the window and praying to god he gets home NOW because I just can't take it anymore?? yup! And on those days, guess what happens?
My wonderful husband, notices very quickly by the look in my face and forcibly takes my cooking utensils or mop or crying child or w/e. He then tells me to take a bath and relax. And you know, my husband isn't even one of those sweet guys who you might expect that from. He's just a normal guy who has noticed how nice it is to be thought of and has started returning the favor. It's SOOOOOO nice.  I started crying while writing that paragraph, because I appreciate my husband so much.

It's called respect. You respect your home, your family and yourself, and you will start getting respect in return.

Its a theme I have noticed in virtually every marriage book I have read.  And... I have read a lot, since I got married before I had a CLUE what marriage really was about (which is another story). They all say, stop complaining that he isn't doing ________, and instead focus on what you could do for him to make him feel more ________. Its the same for your family. Instead of focusing on yourself and all your hardship, recognize that your family has their own set of hardships. If you want them to help with yours, you need to be willing to help with theirs as well. Weather it is taking your daughter out to lunch, or surprising your son with those shoes he was drooling over or planning to have "the guys" over for the game on sunday.... idk, its your family, you know what they need. The more you recognize their needs, and hardships, the more they will recognize yours. Without you saying a word.