Instead of saying "it takes a certain kind of person to live this life" I say "it takes a certain kind of person to be able to live this life with SUCCESS"
What success means is different for everyone, but I think there are a few things that most people can agree on.
The home front spouse as a support to their soldier.
The soldiers need to stay focused on their job and their mission---NOT the troubles back home.
here are the no-no's in my book.
1. Cheating! I dont think anyone would argue that if you feel the need to seek comfort in the arms of another as soon as your spouse is gone, you have not succeeded in being a support on the home front. If you are cheating or have cheated on your spouse while he or she is away... well... ya.... thats not exactly supportive. I don't think anyone can argue about that.
2. Neediness. It is way different to miss your spouse of wish he were home than it is to NEED him and let him know it. I can only imagine how horrible it must be to be deployed in a war zone and when you finally get to call home, you hear about how horrible it is without you and how you need to come home. What is point of guilt tripping your soldier for fighting for his country? Like they really need one more thing to worry about.
3. Giving up. In any way shape or form, giving up is never good when you have become the backbone of your family unit. Giving up on your kids. Sending them away to relatives, abandoning your family home, discontinuing all efforts to keep a clean home... giving up doesn't equal success.
4. Substance abuse or addiction- Picking up an addiction, wether it is shopping, alcohol, drugs... depending on something that is unhealthy is not an ideal way to spend a deployment and again is not a mark of a strong individual conquering a difficult time.
While some of these things are much worse than others, all of them are selfish and do not support the soldier or put his mind at ease. No matter what has happened during a deployment, marriages can always be saved, things can always be fixed and forgiven. I am not trying to condemn anyone.
I just get sick of observers saying things to certain spouses like "I don't know how you do it, you are such a strong woman" when I know full well that spouse is getting by with alcohol or by abandoning their responsibilities, or by finding a man to replace her husband.... fill in the blank. Of course not all wives are like that.
There ARE plenty of army wives who really ARE amazing and strong and are not only surviving but thriving. Getting their degrees, learning new skills, loosing weight, being awesome parents.... examples are everywhere! And I'm happy to report that there are MANY more strong and thriving wives than there are.... well I don't wanna say "weak" because its insulting but at the same time, the wives who are causing their husbands to not be able to do their jobs and consequently putting other men at risk... well maybe they deserve to be insulted.
If something happens to my husband because the guy who was supposed to have his back was stressing over his wife's cheating.... well I will have some much stronger words for that woman.
Anyways, don't assume that every person who has a spouse in the military was made for this life, or can survive and thrive in this environment. Strong spouses and parents are definitely out there, but so are the weak ones.
What do you think?
Have you met any exceptionally strong military spouses?
Have you met any that are coming apart at the seams or has used an unhealthy crutch?
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